The Admiral:

Air Jordan:

What struck you? Would you rather be the greatest basketball player or a great man? What does each man pass on?

A year ago, the Mexican Roman Catholic Church proposed a way to end violence against women. They asked women to stop wearing "provocative" clothing because that is the cause, or at least one of the main causes, of violence against them. To this proposal, the reaction is what we see in the video...a group of women wearing miniskirts and shorts protested in front of the Cathedral against the absurdity of the proposal.
I wonder....as Christians...can't we offer better proposals than these? I mean....really....isn't there a more hollistic way to approach the issue than just blaming it on how much leg is shown? What does this say about men? About women? Thoughts?

From Publishers Weekly:

Dyson's descriptions of the women he meets are nearly novelistic: "I can still see her face: a honey chocolate, pie-shaped visage silhouetted by a shock of dark curls and lit by bright eyes that were lanterns of learning through which her students illuminated the first time to dark corners of black history," he writes of his fifth grade teacher in the book's opening sentence. But he goes on to give astute accounts, peppered with dialogue and compelling historical digressions, of the binds facing successful black women, who have to contend with racism in the workplace and the threat they represent to black men still struggling to find their own collective professional identities. . .The author sneaks a remarkable amount of history and political content into this energetic, clearly voiced title.

After spending the last few years quarantined from black (and Latina) women because of coincidental professional choices (won't do that again, ever) and in light of the CNN special on black America, black women continue to demonstrate amazing models of femininity that cannot be appreciated in the dominant culture.

We need more black and Latina sistas writing about femininity in traditional Christian circles because most of the stuff in print I could never give to my sister or mom because it's written either from a Eurocentric cultural perspective that is Bible proof-texted and then called "biblical" or it's the anti-male black/Latina feminist theology stuff.

Of course, Dyson's book could be written about Latinas and Latin American sistas who also have had to validate models of femininity that do not fit with dominant culture's paradigm.

"Beauty" is culturally defined. What makes a black or Latina women beautiful to black and Latino men often is inconceivable to Eurocentrists of the dominant culture.

I was recently at a black church where Dyson was speaking (over 1200 people in the crowd) and he mentioned why chose to marry a black woman (as opposed to others). The crowd erupted in cheers. I felt bad for any white people that might have been there that day.

Be careful around that soccer mom sitting next to you. She may just be a trained killer.

Courtesy of the Stiletto Spy School, ordinary women around the country are channeling their inner Bond girls -- learning everything from hand-to-hand combat to seductive dancing, SWAT team-style firearm skills to keeping a poker face among high rollers at casinos. Based in both Las Vegas and New York, the school puts women through vigorous weekend training sessions that come straight out of tongue-in-cheek Hollywood action thrillers -- but are designed to help its students feel confident and empowered in the real world. (full story here)

This should be fun....

Prince, shown above as a kid proud of his dad, took the crown Monday night and kept adding to his fame, but how long will he and his father, former MLB All Star Cecil Fielder, be unreconciled?

Cecil's financial woes came to light in 2004, during his divorce proceedings with Stacey. Each blamed the other for the family's financial ruin: Stacey pointed to Cecil's gambling; he cited her extravagant spending. Prince took Stacey's side, engaging in shouting matches with Cecil in the courtroom and over the phone. "Prince felt like he needed to protect his mother and become the man of the house, so we had some heated conversations," says Cecil. "Some bad things were said." Prince also accused his father of taking $200,000 of his signing bonus without permission. "My father is dead to me," he told The Detroit News in 2004.

Man, divorce crushes kids, especially when when it forces them to act like adults too soon. In 2007, after becoming the youngest player to ever hit 50 bombs in a season, instead of celebrating Prince was talking about getting to 52. Why?

"My dad had 51," Fielder said. "Then, he can't say anything."

Heart-rending. It sounds like Prince channeled his anger into performance on the field in the past, but that is an unsustainable way of life. Without forgiving his dad, Prince will eventually either break down and/or slowly poison his own relationship with his kids. This is the stuff Jesus died for, but is would dudes like Prince find God's grace in your church?

Truly, the UK needs the Gospel:

Men who go to church regularly prefer "proper macho songs" and feel uncomfortable with hugging and sitting in circles discussing their feelings, a survey for Christian men's magazine "Sorted" has found.

These guys need to be converted, stat.

Nearly 60 percent of respondents said they enjoyed singing, but were more motivated by "proclamational" hymns than sentimental-type songs.

Haven't these guys read the Bible verse proclaiming "Jesus, lover of my soul"?

Men were also uninspired by church discussion groups, with many suggesting that the pub would be a much better place for interacting.

Ok, enough sarcasm. Seriously, do small groups even work?

Over at World we're discussing if it's ok for husbands to tell their wives the content of their friend's accountability confessions. Some are arguing that because married couples are "one-flesh" when, for example, man "A" confesses sin and confidential struggles to man "B" (even if "B" is a pastor), that man "A" should be comfortable and expect that man "B" is going to tell his wife everything. In accountability and vulnerability contexts men should never withhold information about their friends to their own wives. If you can confess it to a pastor or good friend you should be able to tell his wife as well.

I know of situations where this has caused, and is currently causing, real tensions between the fellas.

Should wives and husbands tell each other everything? I am inclined to say no. Here's why: Suppose John and Sam have an accountability relationship with each other. John decides, based on the principle of "truth with his wife no matter what," breaches confidence and tells his wife about Sam's struggles without Sam's knowledge. John feels justified in telling his wife about Sam's sins and struggles because their marriage is built on honesty

The rest is here.

From Time Magazine:
If only it were the worst thing that a Roman Catholic priest has been caught doing. The Mexican celebrity magazine TVnotas recently published 25 paparazzi photos of the Rev. Alberto Cutie, the popular Miami Beach priest famous for his Spanish-language television and radio talk shows, cavorting amorously on a Florida beach with an attractive woman. Over a three-day period, the pictures also captured him kissing her in a bar. In one of TVnotas's "in fragranti" shots [Note to TVnotas copy editors: it's "in flagrante"] the woman wraps her legs around Cutie; in another, Cutie has a hand down her swimsuit, fondling her rear end.

So the now infamous and until a short while ago much loved charismatic catholic priest was caught by the paparazzi in Miami Beach with his Guatemalan girlfriend (a mother of 2) according to the New Miami Herald (who even published her home address). Many questions arise, celibacy will be questioned and once again, Christianity comes under attack as one of its leaders falls victim to sin and also to the unrealistic expectations we many times place on imperfect men.

CBS News Video of the story here.

I figured that if I was going to have my son circumcised, I needed to watch the surgery:

Are you kidding me? No. Thanks.

The medical arguments seem to equate circumcision to an early STD-prevention step, similar to HPV vaccinations for baby girls. But there's a better way to prevent STD's: find out and then teach your kid why the LORD created and is redeeming sexuality (as Anthony says, this goes way beyond "Don't have sex until...") Also, help churches and other parents with this so that your kid has some friends that get it and someone to marry in the future.

Man, John Piper's message yesterday was the hotness. He admitted he was a "mama's boy" as he touched on Paul's spiritual fatherhood of Timothy. Check it out on the Gospel Coalition website when they post it, but until then, here's an excerpt:

(Paul writing to Timothy)

My Beloved Child

And if you are wounded, or sorrowful, or timid, because your father was so absent or so passive in your spiritual upbringing, remember: I am your father. I don't call you "my beloved child" (1:2) for sentimental reasons, or merely because God awakened you under my preaching. I call you my beloved child, because I am right now being a father to you.

The grace that I am delivering to you right now is coming from your heavenly Father (1:2) and flowing through the words of your spiritual earthly father. That is what I am, and love to be. That is why I long to see you that my joy may be full. I love you. I never had a son. You never had a father who connected spiritually. That is who we are. This is a grace for us, son. Be strong in it (2:1). That's the first thing Paul says to deliver grace and power and courage to Timothy.

Update:

Here's the link to the video.

This past Wednesday at a correctional facility for minors in Guatemala, Jorge Winter, a teacher there, was brutally murdered by interns there. The full report here.

The interns took 3 people hostage and demanded that their conjugal visits and tv privileges restored (remember, this is a facility for MINORS) and as a result for not having their demands met, they chose Jorge because according to them "he had already lived too much", took him to a separate room, destroyed his head, opened his chest and tore out his heart.

Jorge was there as a teacher and also looking to minister to these young kids, most of them members of juvenile gangs. His goal was to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Jorge died in the line of fire and left behind 4 children and a wife with terminal cancer.

There are still people in this world that are willing to go where we would never have the guts to go, and give their life for the sake of the Gospel.

Rest in peace Jorge. May the Lord keep those who are left behind and may the seeds planted bear much fruit.

This past Thursday (2-5-09), El Periodico (a Guatemalan newspaper), published an interview with a "Mara Salvatrucha" gang member caught red handed killing a bus driver after he refused to pay the extorsion (or war taxes as they call them) these gangs charge in order to keep the peace in Guatemala City's red zones.

The captured gang member is Anibal Juarez Lopez. He is 23 years old but claims to have 18. He lives in a "red zone" neighborhood, does not know his father and lives with his mother. He is a member of the Salvatruchas and he learned to fire an assault rifle when he was a boy.

I will transcribe the interview in the extended section of this post so that we might reflect a bit on the situation poor, young and undeducated fatherless guys go through in this part of the world.

Has a Christian high school athlete ever come at his recruiters like this?

"I basically told them, 'This is me,'" said Te'o, from Laie, Hawaii. "I'm LDS. I'm thinking of serving a mission, and I want that to be available to me. If that's not in the cards for your university, I have to respect that, but I have to consider others."

Just when you thought that the video documentary "Jesus Camp" went too far, you encounter Nezareth Castillo, the now 13 year old boy from the province of Trujillo in Peru who has been for quite some time (the video posted is a few years old) a child-star preaching sensation in South American megachurch circles.

Some people call him an alien, or even a midget posing as a kid. Others, more attracted by him, call him the greatest preacher of the 21st century. When interviewed by TV Chile when he was 8 years old, he expressed his wish to continue to preach the Word of God as he grew older and later even become president of Peru.

In all the videos I've seen of him, interviews, articles, etc., not once do I see either of his parents in the picture. Not once do I see him in the company of an older, wiser man that can teach him and guide him in the hard path of ministry. Instead, I see a young boy, speaking words well beyond his age or school level, arguing evolution ala "answers in Genesis" style, mesmerizing crowds of stupified church folk that jump up and down as they witness yet another irresponsible act of sacrificing the life of a young Christian on the altar of "leaderhip" or "annointing".

I ask myself if this is not simply Evangelical Child Abuse.....or as Paul once put it...despising our youth....throwing them onto the stage without guidance, time, experience and parenting. He is now 13....and we all know what begins to happen around that time. Let's just hope that after missing out on childhood, his teenage years do not destroy his life and that the Lord may keep him from temptation, from danger and especially, from blood thirsty, money loving preachers ready to make a quick buck by parading as a circus act a young boy that is definitely gifted, but is still that, a young boy.

From CNN:

While CTE in an ex-NFL player's brain may have been expected, the beginnings of brain damage in an 18-year-old brain was a "shocking" finding, according to Dr. Ann McKee, a neuropathologist at the Veterans Administration Hospital in Bedford, Massachusetts, and co-director of the CSTE.

Maybe I'll steer my son towards basketball...

"I've been married to my wife for 42 years, and never told her," he said, wiping tears away with a handkerchief. "I don't know how often in a week I think about that."--Dick Colon

Wow. This is a really difficult story.

MARIANNA, Florida (CNN) -- Leaning against his cane, Bryant Middleton shuffled toward the makeshift cemetery. Tears welled in his eyes as he leaned down to touch one of the crosses.

"This shouldn't be," he said. "This shouldn't be."

Thirty-one crosses made of tubular steel and painted white line up unevenly in the grass and weeds of what used to be the grounds of a reform school in Marianna, Florida. The anonymous crosses are rusting away but their secrets may soon be exposed.

When boys disappeared from the school, administrators explained it away, said former student Roger Kiser.

They'd say, "Well, he ran away and the swamp got him," Kiser recalled. Or, "The gators got him." Or, 'Water moccasins got him."

Kiser and other former students believe authorities will soon find the remains of children and teens sent to the Florida School for Boys half a century ago.

Read the rest of this sad story here.

Mr. Colon's quote up top is so common. Lots of guys have stuff they can't even tell their wives no matter how long they've been married. That's how bad it is. I wonder what gave Mr. Colon, and others, the courage to speak up now? All those years for trying to keep it down. . .whew

A comment yesterday from a regular Worldmag.com reader about what I write over at World:

# 41 BY Bianca 12.15.08 AT 5:08 PM

I'm sorry, but like Victoria and others, I get so tired of reading Bradley's "men's pain, secret pasts and desperate need for missional this and missional that" articles. It's creepy.

This is in response to my comments about men needing help.

And then continues to tell men to go "fix cars," "mow lawns," and "grow up." (see below)

I wrote this over at World Magazine last week. "Barracuda's" and "Cuthalion's" comments tell the story of most men in the church. My heart really goes out to guys like them. It's soooo tragic that the church remains very unsafe space for hurting men.

Do men hurt?

Written by Anthony Bradley
December 10, 11:15 AM

In the past few weeks, several conversations I've had highlight the fact that many churches are ill-equipped to deal with people who suffer emotional pain, especially men in pain. The band R.E.M. has a song "Everybody Hurts" with these opening lyrics:

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Everybody hurts because everyone is affected by the Fall. Sadly, for many men, pain is often dismissed, ignored, or confused with sin. Many men do sinful things not out of a rebellious spirit but to self-medicate real pain. We all find ways to deal with pain, and sometimes it opens the door for sin.

In challenging a former pastor's high school-aged son about his chronic pot smoking, I realized that he was using drugs as an escape. It was the best way he thought to deal with the relentless verbal abuse received from a father who thought it was a good idea to be harsh and emasculating with his son to teach him how to be a man. It didn't work. Telling this teen simply to "stop" smoking pot did not really address his real problem: He was bleeding.

I have heard stories of men who have lost teeth because of regular beatings at the hands of their fathers--men who heard phrases like "I'm going to kill you" (with a screwdriver pointed at the face). One 21-year-old recently told me about how his father used to put a knife to his throat to threaten him (this young man smoked a lot of pot, too). Moreover, if we really knew about the high percentage of men who were sexually abused growing up and developed a distorted view of sexuality, it would change the nature of men's ministry. Or imagine if men could be really honest about how angry they feel for reasons they cannot explain.

Read the rest here.

In a minor "aha" moment I realized that the piestistic/doctrinalist churches seem to be the LEAST safe churches for men to get help because men's issues are reduced to them behavior modifying sin ("just be good," "pray a lot", and so on). You're not a broken man, just a sinful one.

Not just for gym class.

James Vaznis, Boston Globe:

If it didn't run afoul of employment laws, principal Thomas DeVito would consider taking out the following newspaper advertisement: "Wanted: Male teachers."

The article goes on to mention:

At a time of increased emphasis on improving student achievement, especially in inner-city schools, education specialists are raising serious concerns that male flight from classrooms could be hindering boys' ability to learn.

Boys need women, but they also need to be rescued from the world of women and initiated into manhood. But are there any dudes coming out of college who are willing to deal with educational bureaucracy so that they can teach?

Devin Friedman, who writes for GQ, posted an ad on Craigslist to get black friends because he thought it was quite pathetic that all of his friends were white:

My Craigslist post said, among other things, "I'm a 36-year-old white guy. I grew up in a diverse neighborhood and have always gone to diverse schools. I've always had a decent number of black friends. That's changed over time. I work in the publishing industry, which is super white, and I've realized that my group of friends is getting whiter and whiter.... It's amazing to me that almost everyone I know has either black friends or white friends, but not both. We could have a black president, and still not have a very mixed country." Then I added a few more lines about don't let me show up at the bar and you've got a horse tranquilizer for my drink. I guess you could say the post ran a little long. I guess you could say I was worried about the possibility of a misunderstanding.

Why one would take out an ad on the Internet looking for a black friend is a legitimate question. Here's my answer:

I had a cocktail party the other night. A natural moment to look around at the demographics of your life. And I thought: Jesus Christ, there are a lot of white people in this room. I've always thought of the whiteness of my adult life as a temporary condition. Like somehow all these white people have been foisted on me; pretty soon it'll change; it's probably my wife's fault. But it's time to acknowledge that I've become a character in a Wes Anderson movie. . .

(he's got a sobering paragraph describing how married guys often trade their friends for the husbands of their wife's friend).

Young men are delaying adulthood as long as possible. Makes sense especially in a culture where no one really cares about forming boys into men and masculinity is viewed as something negative in general.

Newsweek has an article about the book Guyland:

In his new book, "Guyland," the State University of New York at Stony Brook professor notes that the traditional markers of manhood--leaving home, getting an education, finding a partner, starting work and becoming a father--have moved downfield as the passage from adolescence to adulthood has evolved from "a transitional moment to a whole new stage of life." In 1960, almost 70 percent of men had reached these milestones by the age of 30. Today, less than a third of males that age can say the same. Click Here

"What used to be regressive weekends are now whole years in the lives of some guys," Kimmel tells NEWSWEEK. In almost 400 interviews with mainly white, college-educated twentysomethings, he found that the lockstep march to manhood is often interrupted by a debauched and decadelong odyssey, in which youths buddy together in search of new ways to feel like men. Actually, it's more like all the old ways--drinking, smoking, kidding, carousing--turned up a notch in a world where adolescent demonstrations of manhood have replaced the real thing: responsibility. Kimmel's testosterone tract adds to a forest of recent research into protracted adolescents (or "thresholders" and "kidults," as they've also been dubbed) and the reluctance of today's guys to don their fathers' robes--and commitments. They "see grown-up life as such a loss," says Kimmel, explaining why so many guys are content to sit out their 20s in duct-taped beanbag chairs. The trouble is that the very thing they're running from may be the thing they need.

At least, that's what I hope. On the weekend this story goes to print I am getting married in a loft in midtown Manhattan, tying the knot at 27--the national average for guys. But by the way some of my single male friends reacted, you'd think I was appearing on an episode of "Engaged and Underage." "Maybe you're making a big mistake," said one buddy when I told him of the engagement. A 27-year-old technology consultant living in New York, he can't remember the names of the women he's slept with (let alone the number), and gives them nicknames like "Biff," "Dino" and "the Little Maniac." I'm happy to take in the night with him every few weeks, but still a little uncomfortable belting out "Sweet Caroline" to a bar full of people, and tickled pink when I'm back home with my girlfriend--soon to be wife. Guyland is not without its charms, but it pales next to what I have known with her over the past three years.

A bad attitude about marriage is not the only thing that's holding these guys back. A series of social and economic reversals are making it harder than ever to climb the ladder of adulthood. Since 1971, annual salaries for males 25 to 34 with full-time jobs have plummeted almost 20 percent, according to the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University. At the same time, women have crashed just about all the old male haunts, and are showing some signs of outpacing their husbands and boyfriends as breadwinners and heads of family, at least in urban centers. Last year, researchers at Queens College in New York determined that women between 21 and 30 in at least five major cities, including Dallas, Chicago and New York, have not only made up the wage gap since 1970--they now earn upwards of 15 percent more than their male counterparts. As a result, many men feel redundant.

Today's guys are perhaps the first downwardly mobile--and endlessly adolescent--generation of men in U.S. history. They're also among the most distraught--men between the ages of 16 and 26 have the highest suicide rate for any group except men above 70--and socially isolated, despite their image as a band of backslapping buddies.

Of course guys 16-26 have the highest suicide rate of any group of men. The combination of growing up in a gynocentric culture with passive men leaves most young men feeling hopeless regarding their own self-efficacy. "Why live if no one needs me."

Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men and Save the Males: Why Men Matter Why Women Should Care

"Guyland" got a couple of bad reviews because the book does not address the gynocentric culture that often dominates the lives of boys and young men.

(HT: Kyle)

A student fatally shot a 15-year-old classmate during a dispute Thursday at a Knoxville high school, police said, as other teenagers watched.

Police identified the victim as Ryan McDonald, a sophomore who lived with his grandmother and had alopecia, a condition that left him bald and the target of endless teasing.

The shooting happened in the Central High School cafeteria, Chief Deputy Bill Roehl said. Jamar Siler, 15, was charged with one count of first-degree murder and was held in a juvenile court facility, police spokesman Darrell DeBusk said. The nature of the dispute was not revealed.

Full story here.

Judging from the Siler's first name, "Jamar" I'm assuming, and I could be wrong, that he is black. We'll know for sure later but if Jamar is black, I hope this does not escalate race tensions.

Anybody remember back in the day when high school boys used to just fight--when the thought of killing a dude you had some static with never crossed your mind? In many cases it was reserved for the last day of school 'cause you couldn't get suspended. High school boys fighting is normal but all the killing's at various schools the last few years is "crazy" (as my friend JJ would say).

From Details Magazine:

He used to be envied. Now the perpetual bachelor is a social pariah.

-By Kate Hahn

It's 11 a.m. on Sunday, a time that during your single days was reserved for sex or the gym. But for your newly grown-up, coupled-up crowd it means . . . brunch. Now that most of your friends are over 35 and some have children, this kids-'n'-coffee routine is beginning to feel pleasantly familiar. Until he shows up--the guy who's never been married. He's late, fresh from the gym, and accompanied by a woman who's about the same age and build as the aspiring-actress waitress.

You used to envy this man. Sitting there with his hand on a 23-year-old's thigh while he sips his latte, he makes your banana-pancake domestic life feel lame. But lately that guy's beginning to seem--to you, your friends, and your wife--well, kind of creepy. His brazen rejection of the life stage that most of his peers have gotten to is starting to make it look like there's something wrong with him.

Joe (who asked that only his first name be used), a 39-year-old union organizer in New York who's never been married, has been getting disapproving looks from his friends ever since he turned 30. "There is nothing like a group of married people--especially with kids--when you come into their circle with a younger, thin woman," he says. "It's a terrible reaction."

"These guys get labeled playboy, loser, commitment-phobe," says Carl Weisman, author of So Why Have You Never Been Married? According to U.S. Census Bureau statistics, in 1980 only 6 percent of men between 40 and 44 had never been married; in 2008 it was 16 percent. But even though there are more of them around, men with long-term single status still have a hard time explaining their situation to potential dates, who see a guy entering middle age without ever having been married as damaged goods.

In fact, a man whose marriage failed spectacularly tends to arouse less suspicion than a straight, still-single 41-year-old. "If he's over 40, you would hope that he's divorced," says Janis Spindel, a high-end matchmaker in New York who gets calls from hundreds of single women asking for setups. Evidence that even unmarried men in their mid-thirties are suspect is in her fee structure: The up-front charge for guys under 35 is $25,000; for those 35-plus it's $50,000.

If you ask a guy in his late thirties or early forties why he isn't married, he'll have his answer--you could call it his defense--ready. For some, the rationale is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Joe tends to date women younger than he, who are less likely to want to settle down than those his own age. "I would still like to have kids," he says. "But if I date someone who's 40, it's going to be chaos, a lot of pressure if we want kids--because we have to start that immediately, and even then you're not guaranteed. . ."

In fact, seeing friends' marriages fail can make never-wed guys more gun-shy. Which brings us to another stereotype: that these guys are afraid of being saddled with a less-than-perfect match. Eric Mark, 41, a partner at a national consulting firm in Los Angeles who last year was the best man at a friend's second nuptials (after having been a guest at the first), estimates that 70 to 75 percent of the weddings he's attended have resulted in broken marriages.

Read the rest from Details Magazine.

This is article is so true. It would make a great documentary or something. The gun-shy thing is dead-on. Between the epidemic of wives cheating and guys marrying women devoted to emasculating their husbands daily I've got lots of friends all over the country who have become misogynists, and that's just among my church-going friends. For the non-church goers it's even worse. I've got one friend in town here who is a serial womanizer, women see him doing it and they still line right up? I don't get it.

I've also know a couple of recently divorced guys (wives cheated) and they've got women nearly beating down their doors once the word got out. this much attention when he was single. Some guys have basically concluded that the best pick-up line for women nowadays is, "I just got divorced."

To date, about 48% of black men fall in the never-married category. CNN talks about it here.

Why won't men disclose to their close friends how much they earn post-college age years? I don't understand why salary is such a big secret or what the big deal is? If you want to see your closest friend zip his lip fellas, ask him how much he makes. I don't get it. A guy will talk about struggles with sexual perversion before he will disclose to his closest friends how much he makes. Why?

I recently tested this out and the guy went dead silent. I didn't press it but it was hilarious!! (And we have discussed more vulnerable things than that, I thought). I don't get why that's such a big secret?

Why is accountability, vulnerability, and openness not financial? I don't get this at all. It's so weird. I just don't care if my closest friends know how much I make. I want to be financially accountable to them as well. "Anthony, are you sure you can afford that?"

[Times photo: Brian Cassella]

From USA Today 7/23/08:

Churches nationwide are fretting and sweating to reel men into their sanctuaries on Sundays. Women outnumber men in attendance in every major Christian denomination, and they are 20% to 25% more likely to attend worship at least weekly.

Although every soul matters, many pastors say they need to power up on reaching men if the next generation of believers, the children, will find the way to faith. So hundreds of churches are going for a "guy church" vibe, programming for a stereotypical man's man.

"I hear about it everywhere I go," says Brandon O'Brien, who detailed the evolution of the chest-thumping evangelism trend this spring in Christianity Today.

This is such a broken record now for many of us who are aware of the crisis. I'm not even going to really comment because I've been talking about this here now for YEARS and, strangely, I get the same push back "what do you mean? I don't see that? Do you expect churches to be some macho, jock sports club, blah, blah." Other Christians and non-Christians, Protestants and Catholics, are looking at the churches in America and asking, "why don't many men attend them?" (esp. men ages 18-30). Many Conservative evangelicals (especially Reformed ones it seems) are still mostly asleep at the switch on this one. And it's so bad that most men are like, "huh, there's a problem?"

Don't ask me to explain or elaborate but AGAIN, here are the books: The Feminization of the Church, by Kaye AsheThe Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity, by Leon Podles. Why Men Hate Going to Church, by David Murrow. How Women Help Men Find God, David Murrow.

As Podles reminds us about most men's confused masculinity in the church:

These are the 10 states with the highest levels of adult obesity, according to a 2007 survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

1. Mississippi, 32.0 percent
2. Alabama, 30.3
3. Tennessee, 30.1
4. Louisiana, 29.8
5. West Virginia, 29.5
6. Arkansas, 28.7
7. South Carolina, 28.4
8. Georgia, 28.2
9. Oklahoma, 28.1
10. Texas, 28.1
Source: Associated Press

ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) -- The South tips the scales again as the nation's fattest region, according to a new government survey. Overall, about 26 percent of to the CDC's telephone survery were obese.

More than 30 percent of adults in each of the states tipped the scales enough to ensure that the South remains the nation's fattest region. Colorado was the least obese, with about 19 percent . . .

Why is the South so heavy? The traditional Southern diet -- high in fat and fried food -- may be part of the answer, said Dr. William Dietz, who heads CDC's nutrition, physical activity and obesity division.

At first glance, I thought this was the AP Poll's Top 25 college football rankings. Can anyone out there link us up to a sermon in one of these states where a preacher dude is talking about this problem? Just curious.

More and more young, single men are getting vasectomies instead of using condoms according to a depressing and fascinating article in Details Magazine. Actually, this isn't the first time we've seen a story like this. It's actually a real, growing movement. The Today Show did a huge story in this back in Nov. 2007.

"I was interviewed for this article. I paid in cash so didn't have to show any ID. I'm single so didn't require a wife's signature. I love kids, just don't want to raise any- I'd rather live my life like I've been doing. Can always adopt later in life too. If you can afford it then go for it-never have to worry about birth control again," says "areseepee" Jul 15, 2008 12:08:17 AM

Young, single men terrified of unwanted pregnancies, and sick of condoms, are turning to vasectomies for liberation.

-By Richard Morgan, Details Magazine

Sex scared Marcus Whitlock. It was a tense, fraught ordeal. He couldn't get through it without being gripped by panic that it would lead to pregnancy. Then one day in April, Whitlock, an athletic 23-year-old college student in Illinois, says he walked into a doctor's office, told the receptionist he was 30, and had an hour-long consultation. A week or so later he returned, paid $850, and walked out after a 15-minute vasectomy. The way Whitlock saw it, he was free. He wouldn't have to worry anymore about whether his partner was on birth control. . .

[V]asectomies are becoming the province of young, single men who claim to be tired of worrying about their partners' vigilance with the Pill. So rather than use condoms--less than ideal in terms of pleasure and, compared with vasectomies, which have an estimated 1 in 2,000 failure rate, only so-so on the contraception front--they're opting for a permanent fix.

Guys just don't want to have kids. It kind'a makes sense when sex is often described primarily as a unitive activity. And outside the church, sex is like nothing more than holding hands and kissing. I'm amazed by the growing "I don't want any kids" movement among men.

We're also seeing a growing trend in women who trick their boyfriends into getting pregnant by lying about birth-control.

As convenient as it may be to paint all young men with vasectomies with a broad brush, your stereotyping falls short. My husband had one when he was 25, after he realized he would never want children. At that point, why risk the high rates of failure of other forms of birth control?--MothEffect, Jul 15, 2008 6:22:21 PM

Here is the full article in Details (caution: if you're used to reading secular things the photo of the scissors may offend).
There's a national organization for people that don't want kids by choice called, "No Kidding."

"Masculine behavior is acceptable as long as the person engaging in it is not actually male."

Fellas, you gotta read this article in Salvo Magazine about the media's assault on masculinity. Seriously, you'll see so many parallels in our current gynocentric evangelical church that it'll make you think for sure. The assault on masculinity in the gynocentric evangelical church is bearing bad fruit as well. Boys are checking out completely. On Sunday, I was at a large suburban church whose youth activities are always attended by at least, yeah, at least a two-to-one, girl /guy ratio. Among the most insidious assaults on boys that I've seen around the country is in the Christian school sector--gynocentrism tends to be the Christian school norm these days for some reason. I'm not sure how that happened? I was at one Christian school and a group of boys pulled me aside and told me that they believed that, their mostly female faculty, "hated boys." If a boy raises his hand in class he's likely not to get called on at that school because he's not a girl and so on. The high school guys see what's being done to them but are powerless to do anything or get help. I was so angry.

Here's a quote from the article titled "Girly Men."

Thus, the war against boys seems to have created three main character patterns for the adult male of our time: sensitive guys who want to please women; weenies and dorks who want only to be left alone to drink beer and play video games with their dork buddies; and thugs who, in rebellion against their unnatural education, are perpetually concerned with proving their toughness through increasingly loutish behavior. There are, of course, examples of decent, positively masculine males in the culture, but they are becoming increasingly overwhelmed by the products of educational and cultural feminization.

Here's the rest of the article. Fellas, all you should post this on your blog and e-mail it to all your friends, etc. This type of feminization is what your children (when or if you have them) will see in the future in the media and confuse as normal. This feminization is so pervasive that most guys don't even notice the subtle assault on masculine identity in every sphere of Western society.

Some have argued that the three types mentioned about is the exactly the kind of men that boys are raised to be in the church. It seems that the church focuses on producing "sensitive guys" and "weenies and dorks." Could you imagine an article about men in the church with this title, "Church Men: Sensitive Guys, Weenies and Dorks?" It would cause such a stir (haha)--especially from the sensitive guys, weenies and dorks, and the women who want to keep men in those categories. And to even challenge such a pathetic pattern will get you charged with trying to make men "macho" or you'll be called "patriarchal." In fact, most men who are aware of the current crisis are simply trying to save themselves and their sons from the church's gynocentric ethos so that they can be the kind of men called to serve the priorities of the Kingdom well.

Fellas, read this article. Also, Salvo is one of the best new Christian magazines out there. It's worth a subscription!

The photo above is taken from the pathetic show "Big Bang Theory" which showcases two of the most emasculated dudes (among the many) on TV today.

(JR, thanks for sending me the article)

For more on the gynocentrism of the church read The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity, by Leon Podles. And for those bothered by Podles' use of the word "feminization" your beef is really with Kaye Ashe who, in 1998, published the book "The Feminization of the Church?" Ms. Ashe praises feminization saying, "The church's feminization has begun. The process will be complete when women's voices, gifts, energy, and creativity are given free rein, and when their power and authority in the church are commensurate with their service and responsibility." Ms. Kaye hopes that the church be feminized have been realized in new ways a decade later after the manifesto.

CNN Health has a list of five symptoms men should never ignore. The first is chest pains and number two is depressing:

2. A big belly

"Belly fat is the worst fat you can have," says Dr. Harry Fisch, a professor of clinical urology at Columbia. "A big belly is a sign a man has low testosterone levels. And the lower the testosterone, the greater the risk of diabetes and coronary artery disease."

While a woman might go on every diet in the world to lose weight, men often have a different solution: They lower their belts.

"I've had men say to me, 'See, my pants size hasn't changed.' I say, 'Baloney. Your belly is still there. It's just above your belt,' " says Simon.

Fellas, you can get the rest of the list here.