Name everything wrong with this true situation:

A bunch of third-graders were singing "...blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol..." in school. It got stuck in their heads upon hearing a teacher's ringtone, which interrupted the song that was playing over the cafeteria worker's radio for all to hear: "Birthday Sex".

I was going to post something funny for April Fools' Day, but we're already experiencing a farce that can't be topped under the Obama administration. So for a change, let's listen to someone serious, Daniel Hannan, prophet-at-large:

It's not just the brilliant content, but it's the cadence, the delivery, the flow. When will the U.S. get its own Daniel Hannan? Had he been a candidate I would have voted for Hannan for President based primarily on this video, as is appropriate these days.

It's like Raekwon said:

"Frontin' like he's sittin' on a lump,
he's sittin' on junk."

From CNN:

(CNN) -- Singer Chris Brown broke his silence Sunday, a week after allegedly attacking his girlfriend, fellow performer Rihanna, on a street in Los Angeles, California.

Chris Brown was arrested February 8 on suspicion of making criminal threats.

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired," the 19-year-old said in a statement released by his spokesman. "I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person."

He added, "Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds."

A spokeswoman for the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office said Wednesday the office needed more information before deciding on whether to charge Brown.

Brown was arrested February 8 -- the day of the Grammy Awards, where he was scheduled to perform -- and booked on suspicion of making criminal threats, the spokeswoman said.

Brown, who did not appear at the awards show, was released from jail that night on $50,000 bail and given a March 5 court date.

Seeking the counseling of his pastor? I wonder if he seeks the counseling of his pastor when he agrees to sing his lyrics (I'm assuming he doesn't write them himself)? I wonder what his pastor said about "Kiss, Kiss?"

It would be great if Young Jeezy, Nas, T.I., and Ludacris would really honor Dr. King and Obama and start going to church so that their lyrics will do justice to the legacy of the civil-rights struggle and the black church tradition instead of producing misogynistic music that dehumanizes black women and promotes a distorted view of masculinity. Protest and invest fellas.

I'm actually surprised that Ebenezer let him even put the church in the video.

From MTV:

Young Jeezy And Nas Pay Tribute To Barack Obama, MLK, Public Enemy In 'My President' Video

Plus: Jeezy hints at a possible tour with fellow Georgians T.I. and Ludacris.

ATLANTA -- On June 3, at 2:08 a.m., Young Jeezy created a new hip-hop national anthem. And at the very end of that song, "My President," Jeezy reminded everyone exactly when he recorded it: "June 3, 2008."

"[That's] why I chose to timestamp it," Young said about recording the tribute to President-elect Barack Obama. "A lot of people do things for gimmicky reasons. I ain't no gimmicky dude. I just decided to do it to show I had faith in him.

"I had faith in the whole situation," he added about the presidential election. "It was more so saying, 'This man is gonna win. There's nothing to do to stop him.' Yes we can. Yes we did. It takes a nation of millions to hold us back."

Jeezy and Nas finally filmed a video for the song last weekend in Atlanta. (There were some delays due to Nas' international touring.) The whole community came out to support.

"This is Martin Luther King's 'hood," Young said with a smile, standing in front of his tour bus during a break in filming. "I don't know if y'all know it or not. Auburn Avenue. A very monumental spot. Probably one of the most monumental, historic spots we've got in Atlanta. It's a monumental video, so I wanted to do it in a monumental spot. Auburn Ave., Ebenezer Baptist Church."

Read the rest here.

There actually are some Christians who think a church should look like its neighborhood. I recently got to meet Eric Mason, the lead pastor of Epiphany Fellowship in Philly. "Epiph" joins the ranks of churches that "contextualize (their) ministry by sound exegesis of the biblical text and exegesis of the culture for the purpose of reaching the lost and discipling them." What makes Epiph distinctive is that part of their mission is to exegete the hip-hop culture.

The band from Epiph led for part of the time at the recent LEAD conference. They had two percussionists, electric bass, keyboard, lead guitar, lead singer, three backup singers, and...a trumpet man. I talked to this dude on the horn during a break time about how I loved the sound of a clear, strong trumpet blast and he replied, "It's biblical." Profound.

SONIA MURRAY, DERRICK MAHONE from The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

One of the music executives who helped make Atlanta the Motown of the South died this weekend of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, Cobb County police said. Shakir Stewart, the 34-year-old executive vice president of Def Jam Recordings, was found about 4 p.m. Saturday in the bathroom of his house on Lindsey Drive in Marietta, said police spokeswoman Cassie Reece. Reese said Stewart shot himself with a handgun but wouldn't say who discovered him. Stewart was prounounced dead at Kennestone Hospital.

Stewart ran the day-to-day operations of Def Jam, the best-known hip-hop label in the country. He was named executive vice president about five months ago, succeeding rap superstar Jay-Z.

What?? Whenever guys around my age take themselves out it hits home for real. Of course everyone's gonna say something like, "but this guy was on top, blah, blah, blah." Yeah, but it's dark and lonely up there too. Sad.

His fiance talked about Stewart's deep personal pain:

Reggaeton, Puerto Rico, Daddy Yankee y Juan McCain. Huh???

Gasoliiiiiiina! Rompe, rompe, rompe, are you ready?

Jefe, jefe! Haha!! What if the republicans had reggeaton playin' at their convention. That would be hilarious!

Thoughts, amigos?

Lil' Wayne had the audacity to say this after winning the "viewers choice" at BET Image Awards program:

"I am nothing without God, baby! I just want to say thank God, thank my family and thank Universal."

These are pathetically disgusting lyrics from Lil' Wanye's song(?) "Lollipop:"

Shawty wanna lic-lic-lic-lick me Like a lollipop (Hahaha) She She lic-lic-lic-lick me Like a lollipop (I say he so sweet Make her wanna lick the rapper) She She lick me Like a lollipop (And She Do) She lick me Like a lollipop (So I let her lick the wrapper)

Ahh, Lil' Wayne, what does "Lollipop" have to do with God, bro? What are you thanking God for? Maybe you ought to be thanking the devil for deceiving people into thinking that your music(?) is good or worth listening to. Is it possible that the devil has more to do with your success than God? After all, your music is totally against what God is about in the Bible. Read Colossians chapter 3. Actually, give a read to Romans chapters 1 and 2, maybe you should be thanking God for his patience with you.

B.E.T (Bringing Everybody Trash) should be categorically boycotted by the black church in America (even though they do feature some of America's best black preachers on some programs) it's worth the trade off to at least protest.

What's even more pathetic is that some 9th-grade girl somewhere has this stupid song as a ring tone.

Can someone please get me his contact info.? This must stop!