Apparently, we are at such an advanced state of social decline that due to the inability of parents to get their kids to school, Chicago's Mayor Daley thought it would be a good idea to lure students through a spokesman, Jeremih, whose claim to fame is an ode called "Birthday Sex."

When asked about Jeremih's hit song, which has enjoyed 16 weeks on Billboard's Hot 100, the Second City's statesman prattled:

"Jeremih is a graduate of many songs and all that," said Daley, offering the kind of quotes that should be carved in stone at the Board of Education. "Today you have all types of artists and music, and like anything else, you're going to sing their songs and let them sing it. It's freedom of speech, and he's just pursuing his careers, as well as making money off this, and why not? He's going to be a wonderful engineer or whatever he's going to do in life. He knows he's going to do something and let him do it."

Indeed. Also, "It's for the children," and stuff. Or is it?

...high attendance on the first day of school means more state money, and Daley wants all the state cash he can get.

It may be abuse to subject kids to the influence of these fools. At the very least, parents ought to deprogram over dinner every night.