The Institute (協会)

Sad, isn't it? Children are no longer seen as a blessing by far too many in this country.

The trend for women tricking boyfriends into getting pregnant is nothing new - women used to do that stuff all the time back in the 50s. It's still creepy as all get-out. We are witnessing the self-destruction of an entire civilization, right before our eyes.

It is interesting to me that people are so secure in their feelings about not wanting to have kids. A vasectomy is so permanent (for the most part). To think that the way you feel today will be the way you'll feel in 10 years seems to presume a lot (at least to me).

I guess we've finally found a way to make our boyish fear of responsibility and commitment permanent at a very young age.

Guys are afraid of commitment to a woman (which would prevent them from living 'the good life'). So they postpone marriage for a long time, preferring simply to 'hook up.'

Now, hooking up with any possibility of pregnancy is too much to handle. Condoms, the pill, and murder weren't safeguards against responsibility enough. The remote possibility of pregnancy must be completely eliminated.

So one answer is for fathers to teach their sons from a young age what it really is to be a man - to engage and embrace responsibility and commitment head-on. What do we do with those who are already grown and convinced that life is all about self?

This strikes me as being not simply stupid, but ignorant as well. I can see how men might not want to use a condom. And worrying about whether the woman is using birth control is a hassle, I suppose. But can men not ask if a woman is ovulating? Women typically know when they are. The men are essentially saying that women are beneath knowing anything about, at this rate. Women can get pregnant all of what, 4 days a month? With most women you can track ovulation...if you want to spend brain matter on it.

I think it's great that young men are taking a stand and doing this. Some men are not cut out to be fathers and there no sense in trying to please other people by procreating. We live in a such a wonderful country and this is further proof of its greatness. There will always be people who want children. Let those people have them and enjoy them. There are many ways to be committed and responsible without having children.

Alex,

My point wasn't just about not wanting to have children. Although, how one can know in their early 20s that they're not cut out to be a father is beyond me. Plenty of men continue to mature in their 20s and 30s (and beyond).

My point was that completely separating sex from reproduction from the get-go lacks some of the responsibility inherent in a sexual relationship. Anthony and I (and many others here) are Christians. We (certainly I) believe that reproduction within marriage (the ordained forum for sexual activity) is part of the purpose of sex. Not the whole thing - but part of it. To perpetually want sex without the commitment of fatherhood is to want the fun stuff without the hard stuff...which is what I was addressing.

Jeff,
I understand what you're saying but I just take a different view. I believe their is a greater good when children don't come to people who shouldn't have them. If someone is willing to go to such extremes to prevent this then a greater good is served. I have travelled far and wide and the worst thing is to see a child in distress. I do not mean to challenge your belief. I'm just offering my view.

...sorry for not addressing your view that some guys just do it so that they can be sexually liberated. Christians are taught that this is wrong and I can see how you would have a problem with that.

hmmm, guess they are only concerned about pregnancy. Haven't they heard of STDs?

Thinking themselves wise, they have become fools (in numerous ways).

Cavman..you speak the truth. STDs remain a problem but condoms are supposed to prevent that from happening, however condoms won't sheild against pubic lice.

I think this is incredibly sad. This is a tragedy of casual sex. Just as girlfriends using pregnancy to try and get a real commitment out of their boyfriends is a tragedy of casual sex. When you take something as multi-faceted and powerful as sex out of its proper context, the negative consequences abound. And many are both painful and permanent. I was watching an episode of Hopkins last week (a show that follows several doctors who work at Johns Hopkins), and they followed a urologist who did a vasectomy on a young man...about 25, I think. And she was so bothered by it. She talked about how she has these young men who come in and want to get this permanent surgery, and how sad it is that they are willing to sacrifice having children. And she did say that she does end up doing reversals for young men who meet someone they want to have children with later.

And the fear of having children, not wanting children, is in large a negative consequence of permissive parenting that leads to really bad kids we see in the store, and watching parents who never see their children complain about them. Well, if you never spend any time with your children, no wonder you don't like them...you don't know them.

Kenneth...women can get pregnant any day of the month, even during menstruation sometimes. The chances are greatly increased during ovulation, obviously, but a woman can get pregnant anytime. It's always a possibility. Maybe if they're so worried, they can keep it in their pants until they put a ring on her finger. Then they wouldn't be so terrified of accidental pregnancy.

Wow. Never heard of anything like this.

But, one of the things we're learning about AIDS is that it is a deterrent in risky sex. As AIDS rates have fallen due to the advances in the treatment of HIV, which has in turn caused life expectancy rates for HIV-positive patients to increase considerably, we've seen a reversal of that effect. Several have found that as the new drugs came out, HIV-positive and HIV-negative individuals responded by increasing their risk to contracting HIV. Maybe this is part of the same thing - people aren't as afraid of STDs as they once were, because treatments are so effective, and so the value of the condom has fallen. This means at some margin, the main risk is no longer the STD but the pregnancy risk, so men who prefer unprotected sex to protected sex may start trying to find ways to reduce the pregnancy risk themselves. I can definitely see this sort of thing occurring for high-income folks for whom there is the kind of birth control deception on the partner that you describe.

"Maybe if they're so worried, they can keep it in their pants until they put a ring on her finger. Then they wouldn't be so terrified of accidental pregnancy."

Married couples also have accidental pregnancies. Just because we have a ring on our fingers--or a married uterus--it doesn't mean children are expected, wanted or welcome by the couple. In my case, after 9 years, my spouse and I, don't feel this is a right time to have children, because of our plans. My reaction to getting pregnant would be the same as if I was single--so will be our solution to it. Yes, some people do not want kids, as Alex said up there.

... Unless that's some women's way of 'negotiating' that ring. Each to their own.