The Institute (協会)

I can think of many reasons. The first, I think, has to be related to neglect, lack of sex, romance, physical attraction.
I think that a woman wants to be looked at and admired by her husband, noticed. If she doesn't get it at home, someone else will notice, because, let's face it, all of us guys notice.
I laugh at the hipocrisy of for example: someone might not "allow" his wife to wear certain things (short skirts, shorts, certain swimsuits, etc) but drools over other women that do.
Other times, women are affected by a weird "church lady" syndrome in which their feminity and sensuality are crippled on the grounds of a fake decency.
Other times it has to do with pre-marital sex...if you have it, then by default when you're married you are bound to compare your married sex life with that which you had outside of marriage....
Anymore thoughts?

So many men... so little time! ! !

Honestly,,, if you are HAPPY at home... you don't L@@K outside... simple at that!

Most men once 'they got her'... they stop trying, stop taking showers, stop wearing after shave, stop telling her she L@@KS fantastic, stop making her feel BEAUTIFUL, stop hugging and kissing her, stop bringing flowers, they just stop being the man she fell in love with!

If men knew the secret is a couple kisses, a couple of kind words, a hug when you leave for work,,, and an occassional flower (not a bunch - just ONE) -> wins over the coldest of hearts!

Very true and very right "Just Meee". Touché on both sides?

There's a book called "His Needs, Her Needs." It's somewhat old (~25 years), but I think it's still really relevant. It claims that if your spouse doesn't fulfill specific "needs" and make deposits in your "love bank" and in addition does things that withdraw from your "love bank," you'll look to get those needs filled elsewhere. Plus I think a lot of it starts as "friendships." Just FYI, the needs the book says men have are 1. sexual fulfillment 2. recreational companionship 3. an attractive spouse 4. domestic support 5. admiration. Women supposedly need 1. affection 2. conversation 3. honesty and openness 4. financial support 5. family commitment

It's kind of tough to reduce it to bank transactions...shouldn't it be building on each other instead of depositing and withdrawing?

Anthony,

There are, for sure, tons of relationship and psychological reasons, but ultimately the reason people cheat is because they believe doing so will improve their situation.

We've all been taught that somehow, somewhere total excitement and fulfillment available to us in this life.

Sometimes, when people find that awesome life isn't happening to them in their marriage, they get desperate and feel like they have to look elsewhere. So, I think people cheat because they have been told this life is all there is and that they owe it to themselves to do whatever it takes to have a good time during their few days on earth.

Our secularism causes us to expect both too little and too much from life and adultery is one result.

Personally, I think it's the same thing that led David astray, as well as most noblemen from around the world; they got the idea that each woman (or man) that they desired could be theirs, instead of understanding marriage in its Biblical place.

Our culture of "actresses & models are for public consumption" probably doesn't help with this at all.

And brother, if you know people who appear to be cheating, the most loving thing you can do (IMO) is to gently let them know that their behavior is not beyond reproach. Remember what Proverbs says about the husband/wife who has been cheated upon.

How many people decide ahead of time that they will have an affair? Affairs mask themselves as band-aids to our wounds.

I know a few guys who were cheated on despite the fact that they have really loved and cared for thier wives. I don't like this whole idea of "If the women cheats, its because the man mistreated her." I'm sure it happens sometimes but there are a lot of good guys out there married to some questionable women.

Tonio, you need to talk to your friends wife. Tell her that if she wants to be with another guy, she should divorce her husband first. Common courtesy. Than she can be with as many guys as she wants. If she blows you off you need to say something to your friend. That's what the band of brothers do for one another.

I'm running into more and more guys whose wives are cheating on them. It's unbelievable to me.

Please excuse my bluntness but, many Christian women are too conservative to be the freaks their husbands need them to be. They have restrictions and stupid attitudes about unconventional (missionary) sex. It's ridiculous.

My philosophy is simple: if my expectations are to be the last women you ever have sex with, how dare I tell you "no" to anything!

^^^ I meant ("non-missionary").