January 30, 2008
Young Dads Are The Real Mama's Boys
This month's Details Magazine has a wonderful about the pathetic state of young fathers who have were raised in feminized America--they can't related to their own sons.
The article is titled, "Is Daddy the Real Mama's Boy." The answer in America is, "yes."
Clinical psychologist William Pollack, the author of Real Boys and the codirector of the Centers for Men and Young Men at McLean Hospital at Harvard Medical School, says that fathers can actually be scared when they first come into contact with such filial unruliness. "The more sensitive the male, the more frightened they are," he explains. "They're afraid the boy's going to be a bully or a school shooter. . . . Or they have the fear that they won't be able to relate to their sons—that they won't be able to be buddies."Would a buddy, after all, hammer the stereo with a rubber stegosaurus every time you try to introduce him to the delicate charms of Nick Drake's Pink Moon? Psychologist Michael Thompson, the author of Raising Cain and an expert on the behavior of boys, tells a story about a friend of his, a librettist working in musical theater, who found out that his son wanted to go to Madison Square Garden to see professional wrestling. The father, Thompson says, "was completely bewildered. . . "
Not coincidentally, Pollack points out, the Boy Scouts were formed in England at the turn of the 20th century because of a widespread concern that British men were becoming feminized. "They were having a renaissance in England of men who read books and became literary and were starting to go to salons," he says, "so people felt they had to go outdoors and be rugged."
In some major American cities, busy and wealthy couples have taken to hiring "mannies"—in part so that their male heirs will have someone to play catch with. "I think that's really good for kids, to have a guy around who's playing rough with them," says Holly Peterson, the author of The Manny, a saucy-socialite novel about the trend. "My son said to the manny the other day, 'I really like it when you beat me up until I'm almost about to cry.' When you're 7 years old, it's exciting to be punched and thrown and make it through and survive. That's what little boys want."
The state of things today is so sad. Many young men remain clueless about their emasculated state and the cycles continue. A "manny?" Are you friggan kidding me?
Fellas, what's up with this?
Posted by anthony at January 30, 2008 09:53 AM | TrackBackAnthony,
Articles like this get me fired up! Men have no idea anymore how to be men. Look at sitcoms the dad in the role is always sex obsessed, lazy and pretty reliant on the wife to lead and take control of the situation. We are fed this crap that tells us men to be passive wimps and find our feminine side. We are raising sons that have no idea how to fight, how to be a protector of women, or how to commit and sacrifice for their family.
A main problem is, is that we are so obsessed with the American Dream that our fathers are working crazy hours to buy their son a XBOX 360 instead working less and actually give your son time with dad teaching him how to properly shoot a free throw. OR our culture is so non committal that our dads and men are having kids and then ditch them to "get their own". It is sickening bro!
That is why I appreciate dudes like Driscoll and yourself that are willing to call it out and apply a boot to our mannies to wake us up!
"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong." 1 Cor. 16:13
-Los
Posted by: Carlos Griego at January 30, 2008 01:17 PMCarlos, bro, you should get up here. I teach an entire class on this issue and things you discussed!
Posted by: Anthony at January 30, 2008 01:27 PMI read that article awhile back and I was like hmm is this true? I feel into comparing myself to them, see I grew up playing baseball through high school and continue to play racquetball, tennis and soccer in college. I have spent two months backpacking in Utah and Nevada(This was not exactly voluntary) as for my family my father ran track in college, my brother is playing golf in college and my other brother was the president of the OU crew team.
So at first I was like this is a shock article, but then I thought about my classmates, fathers I know single men in their 30s and it came crashing down on me this is true. We as men have given up our assertiveness and our drive.
Men in the church seem to be a sad case. We want to make things stable and keep peace, though this flies in the face that nature is a volatile creature. We do not anymore protect others from this instead expect to be protected.
Seems like the only few places left for men are the upper echelon of business and politics as well as ,cannot believe I am saying this, pro sports. Which leaves out most guys an avenue to be men as being a man in the family is not acceptable you are one of those crazy controlling men.
Anyways I see hope in the fact that the some in the church are speaking out and bringing real change.
Posted by: Brian Hewes at January 30, 2008 01:37 PM"Men in the church seem to be a sad case. We want to make things stable and keep peace, though this flies in the face that nature is a volatile creature. We do not anymore protect others from this instead expect to be protected.
Seems like the only few places left for men are the upper echelon of business and politics as well as ,cannot believe I am saying this, pro sports. Which leaves out most guys an avenue to be men as being a man in the family is not acceptable you are one of those crazy controlling men."
Brian, you are so correct!!
BTW, I introduced my students to "sustainable design." No one had heard of it. We watched part of the DVDs you gave me. I wish I could get some of the books in too!
Bro, you're way ahead of the curve!
Posted by: Anthony at January 30, 2008 01:47 PMPerhaps if we shut off the TV set (with the lame perspectives of what life is like) AND shut down the computer (with its endless hours of wasted fantacy crap)... and spent time with our kids -> talking to them, playing with them (cards, games, etc) and getting to know them. Teaching by example the goodness that we hold in our hearts and on our souls -> then, perhaps our legacy that we leave for future generations will be something we could be proud of...
Instead of giving kids a 'time-out' we could give them some FACE time...
Posted by: Just Meee~ at January 30, 2008 03:41 PMsorry but I dont get whats the big deal about being "manly". where does this come from?
to me, being a man is about being a servant-leader, being willing and able to love even in the hard times, putting others first, and such things.
who cares if I'm teaching my son to throw a baseball or I'm showing him how to play a folk song?
Posted by: bobw at January 30, 2008 04:25 PMBobw, good question; I think the reality is that men tend to be better servant-leaders if they're allowed to do so in a typically masculine way.
Got a picture of my son holding his first assault rifle today--OK, a toy one, but still hoooah! He's learning pretty good at 9 months of age.
Posted by: Bike Bubba at January 30, 2008 06:00 PMAnthony, I need you to define what being a man means, in concrete ways that do not use the words feminine or feminization.
I get that you think that masculinity is important - and it is - but your posts are starting to sound like rants and rarely offer any concrete solutions on what can be done. Or better yet, what are YOU doing to be a role model that young men and boys can look to as a good example of masculinity.
Posted by: Tam at January 30, 2008 09:58 PMMy wife got me an awesome book for Christmas: "The Dangerous Book for Boys," by Conn and Hal Iggulden. It is primarily for when we have sons, but I got a kick out of it now. The first section lists "Essential Gear," which includes everything from a swiss army knife to needle and thread ("for sewing up a wounded dog"). It also includes several narratives of famous battles, like Waterloo.
Things like this are at least a good place to start for sissy dads to relate to their kids...
Posted by: Brad at January 31, 2008 01:02 PMBrad, yeah, I heard about that book. It's mentioned in article.
Tam, hmm seems like I talk about that in May of 2006. Read the book Season of Life. It's all there. You don't know me so p-lease don't act like you're going to call me out on this issue. I spend A LOT of time helping with the youth at my church but if I talked about the hours I spent last night and the hours I'm planning to spend on Sat. and what I've done for the past 14 years I'd get accused of bragging. Trifling questions aside, if I wasn't doing anything myself why would I be talking about this issue so much? You don't know me.
Posted by: Anthony at January 31, 2008 01:40 PMThe (triffling?) question wasn't to put you on blast and assume you do nothing. I figured that you do participate with youth. Like I said, I get the importance of strong men, particulalrly as models for boys and young men and understand the conversation you are trying to start in this space (I have even sent you a kudos email to that point). The purpose of my comment is a request for balance. If the reference you can give me in response to my question is a two year old post, then maybe, just maybe what you are presenting here is unbalanced. It would just be nice to see some examples and profiles in this space from time to time of good, strong men and church programs (other than Driscoll - whose call for strength is close to sexist and moves very close to justifying the literal silence of women and squelching of feminine expression...again, it is about balance) that are getting it right.
Posted by: Tam at February 1, 2008 06:47 AM...i'd love to see a definition of sustainable design.
:)
Posted by: shawn at February 2, 2008 01:35 PMshawn, you can google it. There are several websites out there that talk about it.
Posted by: Anthony at February 2, 2008 03:15 PManthony...nono...I'm very familiar with the concept (I'm a landscape architect). I'm not familiar, however, with the actual usage. As in: it's a phrase that's thrown around a lot, but has very little economic basis.
My sarcasm wasn't quite thick enough before...sorry.
Posted by: shawn at February 4, 2008 01:13 PMshawn, I knew you were. . .I just wrote that to see if you'd bite! Haha, I'm so proud of myself;)!
Hey, hope and the Mrs. are doing well! Drop me a line and let me know how married life's treating you! I still hate that I couldn't make it.
Posted by: Anthony at February 4, 2008 02:46 PM