The Institute (協会)

The idol of marriage is at times very prevalent in Reformed communities that emphasize covenant in family. All well and good, and probably good at times in our divorce culture, but it can be taken to an extreme.

Glad to see Piper address this.

While I wholeheartedly agree with Piper's point on the idolatry of the family, covenantal theology would seem to balk at the route he takes to get there...

I imagine the open-wombers might have a problem with point#1. Having been married for a few years, I can tell ya, if people make an idol out of their marriage/family, they're not facing reality.

amen!!!

Anthony: you may not believe it, but Bob Cargo gave a similar sermon at Intown years ago.

Matt:
I don't know that Piper is a covenant theologian anyway, but how do you figure?

I can't think of any way any one of those points is contradictory to covenant theology and its perspective on marriage and the family. (Unless it's in the sermon and not the four points Anthony summarized there.)

Hrmm... OK, so it is possible to make an idol out of anything. Agreed. I've seen parents make idols out of their kids to such a degree that they neglect their relationship as well as God, and it ends in divorce as soon as the kid(s) go off to college.

I think it is important to stress here the difference between "idolatry" and "desire." The desire for marriage is healthy and God-given. Further more, the cultural mandate ("be fruitful and multiply") that God gives His people at the renewal of every covenant (Adam and Eve, Noah, etc.) would not be possible without marriage.

Again, I agree that marriage should not be an idol, but do not swing the pendulum so far in the other direction that we do not fully appreciate it as a gift and command from God. Even Paul (who never married to our knowledge) focused greatly on the covenant of marriage (Ephesians 5: 22-33 being the most well known passage to address it). Having been recently married myself, I can tell you how powerfully God uses our covenant to sanctify and mature us spiritually, in addition to the opportunities we have had to witness to family, friends, and strangers.

Brad,

Excellent comment!

Very well said.....

Dave & I, married last year, have had similar experiences that Brad & his wife have had. Marriage has been a great opportunity to be a testimony of God to others & ourselves. What I see happening in reformed churches is the huge lack of interest in marriage amongst young people. And men shying away from it more & more. It is shocking to me. The singles classes in the church are getting bigger & bigger & instead of that class turning into the young marrieds, they are getting older & older. I think these not- so -young -men seriously need to evaluate where their lives are going. It is not good for man to be alone. Some of them talk about it now & then, but I largely see a decrease of interest in marriage. It's very disheartening. Some of these guys will "wake up" when they are 40, 50 years old & think, hmmm maybe I should start a family. Which is a very difficult thing to do at that age. Also, God absolutely Does use families & children to further the family of God. Of course this does not mean that some people do not make an idol of marriage, Obviously many do. However, humans need spouses! And men need to take action & rise up to meet this challenge. Men are incomplete without their wives. There is just No Way Around this fact, it is simply the way of God's creation. And women absolutely Need a husband. Nothing on this earth can fill that God given hole, God himself refuses to do it. So, I can't agree completely if that is what Piper said. Marriage is one of the First acts of Man, Genesis, & it is one of the last metaphors of the Bible that God uses to show us the kingdom of heaven. Men, Marriage... BRING IT ON!

I'm sad that the family is coming under attack even from our own "guru's" of the faith. While I agree that we may idolize the family, to say that in a cultural context in which the family is under constant attack, and where it is undermined, where children are seen as hindrances to the false freedom young adults crave for, and where marriage is nothing more than a simple non-binding agreement between two adults who no longer wish to have sex, is totally wrong. We are to work hard to strengthen the family as the first, basic and most important unit in society after the individual. Not even the Church is as important as the family.

Juan, I agree. Afterall, Paul lays out the requirements as an elder in the pastoral epistles to include being able to lead your family first and foremost. There is definitely an assumption in his statement.

Again, I think the key to what Piper is probably talking about is encapsulated in what Jenny said:
"Nothing on this earth can fill that God given hole"

When we fill that with anything other than God, we idolize. However, I'm convinced that there is a "marriage shaped hole" as well: "It is not good for man to be alone."

I have recently come to view the purpose of marriage in a new light. When my husband and I married, we were very young, by today's standards. We had a lot of maturing to do, so there was a fair amount of selfishness, demandingness. I now see marriage as a redemptive process - that we are called to love our spouse so well that it sets them free to live missionally along with ourselves. It's cool to see couples who love each other well, and the beauty of it draws people to God.

I just want to clarify what I wrote today...
God puts "holes" in our hearts. I am assuming that we all understand the God given Messianic role that only God can fill. However, I was speaking to the role that only our spouse can fill. Their are certain roles that God refuses by his genius human design of us, not to fill. That is what I am referrering to when I said, that God Himself refuses to do it. That is why he said, it is not good for man to be alone. Adam needed a wife helper to redeem his state. I have never met a husband who I felt would be complete without his wife. Hope that clarifies my former posts. And..... March on O great Singles! I love ya!!!! Keep pressing on & fight the good fight! : )

Not all men are meant to be married. Paul even tells the men that he would that they be unmarried as he is, most likely to have more time for kingdom work that a family would take a man away from. However, women are to be married as Paul commands. So, the gift of singleness is for men, but not women. And marriage and childbearing is the norm. I think Piper is spiritualizing things too much - but quelle suprise, that.

Can someone help me with why we are so sure that there is no marriage in heaven. We have Jesus' words in Matthew 22:30 "For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage" which doesn't seem all that clear especially given the context and then Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:29 "let those who have wives live as though they had none" which also doesn't seem like a definitive statement. am I missing a passage? and what about the pre-fall institution of marriage. we talk about the mystery of heaven but seem to talk pretty clearly about how there's no marriage in heaven. my own study leads me to say we just don't know, either way. thoughts?

I'd like to reply to Bianca's blog...
If men have sexual desires, which I don't see ever being quenched. And especially desire women, sexual relations, or are tempted by women. Then I believe it is clear to say these men would be much more fitted for marriage than singleness. I don't believe these men are meant for a life of celibacy or that they (or some others they work with for that matter) would be safe in a (their) life of celibacy. Many men's kingdom work is hindered by their sexual tempations & desires. The kingdom & missional work within a great marriage is fitting, proper, & good for these men. So, if we are going to talk about celibacy we Must Clarify exactly Who is suitable for that. Or we may lead some in a dangerous & unhealthy direction, which often leads to dangerous sexual sins that affect them & others.
Especially in a world saturated with pornography, sex in marketing, on tv, in magazines, music, internet. I think marriage is more important than ever to nurture healthy sexual relations. We just have to be aware of the impact that this sex saturated world has on us, & especially men. And we must encourage & challenge each other to live pure lives. A great way to do that is the boundary & freedom of marriage. Go Marriage!

But again, for the singles, fight the good fight, keep keeping on! We do love you! persevere!

Marriage is great! I recommend it. But it is not the ultimate end to existence. Marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ, not a substitute for it. Nothing in what Piper said is an attack on marriage. Rather, it is a defense for our single brothers and sisters who are constantly made to feel "weird" and "incomplete" by the kinds of comments being made in this thread. If "humans need spouses" and men are "incomplete" without a wife and women "absolutely need" a husband, then Jesus was a faulty human being. Genesis 2:18 says, "It is not good for THE man to live alone." God was speaking about a particular person in a particular historical circumstance who happened to be actually alone, without any others of his kind on the earth. Our single brothers and sisters wouldn't be alone if we actually gave them true fellowship in the church instead of just asking them if they have any marriage prospects as we look down our noses at them. I know that's the way many of my single friends feel they are treated by married people in the church.

Show me where Piper said people should not be married. Show me where Piper said that marriage is bad or unspiritual. The fact is, if you think you can't live without marriage, then it is an idol. That's the definition of an idol. The sad thing is, people don't love idols, they use them. When my marriage is an idol to me, I don't love my wife as I ought to. I am just using the marriage--or my image of it--for my own purposes of security or image or whatever. Thus, when I realize that my marriage may be an idol, and I repent of that, I don't love my wife less, but rather, I am freed to love her better, and more.

Just to add, I'm tracking with Rob's question - where does it say in the bible that marriage is a creational institution that gets left out of the re-creation. I know those passages, and not having studied them in any major depth, seem to think that there's more going on then a statement of fact of "no marriage in heaven."

thoughts...comments...corrections...

I heard a sermon that I felt was quite interesting showing how the mandate of "be fruitful and multiply" was actually a cultural mandate ~ one of spreading cultures and growing diversity of the peoples of the earth to reflect the diversity of God and His kingdom. Thoughts? Anyone else heard of this?

How can you be biblically faithful and still compare single people with eunuchs? That is quite a stretch. I'm no theologian, but I think Piper is way off in this one.

To offer blessings "better than children" is a blatant attack on the family and on the blessing that children in themselves are. What is up with this guy?

I think it was CS Lewis who said that "something ceases to become a devil when it ceases to become a God". Yes, we can idolize our family, but, we can also ignore the wisdom of teaching our kids wisdom. Let's not use the risk of idolizing children/family to shirk our responsibility to engage (especially as Fathers) the family and lead. The risk of idolizing the family is much lower than the risk of expecting our children through osmosis of some other influence to develop a wise world view.