October 25, 2005
Finalmente: More Real Sex Talk
Finally, I sat in a church here in St. Louis last night and heard the most wonderful sermon exploring the biblical details of marital sexuality and seduction from the Song of Songs chapters 3 and 4. The Journey is doing a series on sex. Yesterday's messages was titled, "Maximizing Your Sexual Relationship."
Steve, one of the pastors at the Journey, actually applying the texts to the details of people's lives (imagine that), opened by saying, "married couples should have lots of sex."
At the beginning of the service a warning was given to parents that "todays message is rated PG-13." As soon as I heard that I thought, "finally, we're going to hear about some real issues regarding the details of the beauty of marital seduction and sexuality."
The message, of course, was challenging to singles--as well especially about their pre-marital sexuality.
Pathetic: That we live in a sex saturated culture and pastors (in a Mr. Rogers fashion) say "don't lust" but never described what that actually means. Assuming that there is consensus on the definition of lust is naive and unrealistic.
I almost stood up an shouted "AMEM, their parennts and churches have failed them" when Steve said that men don't know how to be "servant lovers." They only know how to be, in our culture, "selfish lovers." And THEN, yes folks, in a church that has an ethos of biblical authenticity, he went on to talk about how men have never learned to vulnerable with women having Mom's as maids [this is pathetic], selfishly pursuing sexual exploration through "masturbation," "pornorgraphy," "hooking-up," etc. Yep, he actually mentioned the words and their effects on marital sexuality.
Pathetic: Why is this NOT normal language in preaching and teaching since its the normal experience in the real lives of people in the pews (or chairs, or on the floor). Do churches teach that men's jacked-up sexuality learned from our culture ends on the wedding day? This must be regularly addressed.
Since sex is nevered address in the "Kingdom of Niceness" boys grow up thinking sex is about them and girls are brought up for 25 years to think of sex as the greatest, most dirty evil ever.
Pathetic: Men learn about sexuality mostly from movies and television and bring that junk into marriage and it remains jacked up. And they may be in a church for YEARS and never be challenged how to physically love their wives well. Pathetic.
Pathetic:Parishoners have real issues that get skirted over by Pastor Nice Guy. Pastor Captain Kangaroo preaches on being a nicer person, that's pretty much it.
Our culture teaches men how to consume women in their thought life when their alone and when they get married they have no idea how to do pursue biblical sexuality. Where else are middle school and high school men to learn what God desires on these issues?
Pathetic: Steve, also talked about how women use sex to manipulate their husbands. This is sooooooo common but you never hear about it. Why?
Single guys, here's some bad news: at some point your wife is going to learn how to use sex to control and manipulate you (Gen 3:16). Make sure you talk to your father, uncles, brothers, married friends, and pastors about this now and in your pre-marital counseling.
PATHETIC: that men leave high school having NEVER been through the details of the Song of Songs.
Ok, so if you're church hopping for a place that deals with real issues with no "off limit" topics my new list includes (again this is just from my experience): Mars Hill Church (Seattle), Mars Hill Bible Church (Michigan), The Journey (St. Louis), Liberti (Phildelphia), Redeemer Pres. (New York), All Souls Church (Atlanta), of course there's more. Feel free to list the ones you know of.
I got the "kingdom of niceness" phrase from a friend in Scotland.
Posted by anthony at October 25, 2005 09:49 AM | TrackBack