July 23, 2005
"Why Can't You Close The Deal Dude?": Why People Who Got Married In Their 20s Should Maybe Remain Silent When Talking To Singles In Their 30s
I know I've mentioned this before, but I'm still amazed at Christians on this issue and recently saddened, again. This new one set me off. Some dude, who got married right out of college, like the Bible says, asked a friend of mine, who's over 30 and still single (OH MY!!!) why he just can't seem to "close the deal." I'm serious. This guy said to my friend something like: "hey, dude what's the problem with you closing the deal with women." The assumption is that my friend has some problem "dealing closing" and that's why he's not married. Maybe my friend should get the book about dealing closing offered through Muscle Magazine?
Ok, guys, if you're in your 20s and not married your problem is that you're failing to "close the deal." So get this guy's book and close the deal this weekend or soon so Christians won't think you're a freak and ask you shaming questions. A lot of guys who are seniors in college next will enter this year stressed out about not "closing the deal" before they graduate. Sad stress.
I'm beginning to believe that people who were married early actually enjoy humiliating singles in their 30s by asking them to defend their existence as a single person. After all the Bible teaches that the time got married is in your early 20s, right?I hope I'm wrong.
So, I've recently concluded that maybe unless you have a clue about what's it like to be over 30 (or maybe even over 27) and single in a post-1990's America shhhhhhhhh!! Yeah, if you don't have a clue about what it means to be over 30, working 50-60 hours a week, etc. maybe you should talk about the weather. UNLESS, you know the personal VERY well, and it which case you probably wouldn't be asking the questions anyway because you would know that this issue probably burns DAILY on your friend like acid on one's spinal cord.
Fellas, if you're single and over 30 put your fork and knife down when you here this: "So, {insert your name here} can I ask you a question?" Bruthas, that's the one. You're about to be reminded that you're not normal for not marrying right out of college (or in your early 20s) like the Bible says. Questions I've recently received include (no joke):
(1) "Anthony, do you want to get married." Yeah, I get it that's the only logical reason to not be married in your 20s like the Bible says. It has to be a choice because otherwise "ta-dah" it just happens.
(2) "Anthony, well, have you found girls in Grand Rapids to date?" With a look of being extremely puzzled she asked this. I was asked this at a lunch for a speaking engagement in front of several people I didn't know. Here's the kicker: then she said, "oh, Anthony, I'm sorry if that's too personal of a question you don't have to answer it." I'm so glad I didn't throw my plate at her like I wanted to.
(3) "Well, Anthony, have you EVER, come close to being married. [I mean, dude, what's the problem]" I was recently asked this at a dinner of a newly married couple. No more dinners with young couples.
(4) "Anthony, why aren't you married?" WOW, that's a new question for me. I've never thought about that before. Thanks for asking!!
And then I realized this: I believe that a lot of people (who were married in the 20s) actually ENJOY making single's over 30 feel like crap by asking shaming questions about their singlesness. In a sick way, it somehow validates them, I suspect.
"Nanny, nanny, boo, boo we're married and you're not, loser. We did it right. Let me confirm this to you, you over 30 single freak, "So {insert your name here} why aren't you married." HAHAHAH, dude, you suck. Could you pass the rolls?
Maybe, I should start asking couples who married young this question when I come over to dinner--after I have had to defend my existence, as a non-married freak: "Hey, bro, can I ask you a question? Are you still physically attracted to your wife since she's put on quite a bit of weight since you guys have been married. Does that effect your sex life?" Somehow, I suppose I would get rebuked for being "insensitive" and "inappropriate."
Posted by anthony at July 23, 2005 07:16 AM | TrackBack