The Institute (協会)

As an adopted person, I really respect that you advocate adoption, especially among Christians, as strongly as you do.

One guy who cleaned my carpets pointed out that if Christians would step up to the plate and adopt foster children, there would be little or no issue with kids being adopted by the "wrong" people.

As for me, my minivan is full, but if my wife and I find we handle our five well, we might "make the chance" to upgrade to a Suburban or full size van...

Where are the grandparents? For the last 21 months, we have been very involved with our single adult daughter and her wonderful toddler. I keep her full-time while mom works. Despite our daughter making, and continuing to make what we consider unhealthy decisions, we've committed to be involved with our granddaughter's life. We try to walk the balance of help and holding our daugher accountable for her decisions, talking honestly about her lack of wisdom. Actually, I know the answer to the question: family disfunction lingers for many generations.

Robert, five??!! Well, then what's one more?

Grandparents??? GREAT question!! Or even better, where is the REST of the extended family??

Anthony, I'm so glad for your admonitions to adopt. Heck, even if Christians became foster parents until they could get the funds to adopt (or learn how to manage the red tape) think of the difference that could be made! I live with my family right now for various reasons, but I look forward to when I can get involved in the foster system and hopefully adopt. And not just infants. My heart aches for the teens who get left out because people think they might be too hard to handle. Or whatever. It is time for Christian families and churches to take back what we apathetically allowed the government to take over so long ago.

A,

Have you considered adopting?

B

Batch, what's the point of your question? I was waiting on someone like you to ask that question (if you can call it a genuine one). But the answer to your implication is "Yes, I have." I actually almost called about John especially after I found out he was Christian. I just have one more piece to put into place and I'll have the first one.

What I am curious about, and please someone help me, is whether or not white families formally adopt children at higher rates than black families. I intentionally use "formally" as there are many black families (particularly single women) who, for various reasons, take in grandchildren, siblings, cousins, etc. I suspect that white families adopt at higher rates but that's only a suspicion based on my personal experience.

I also would like to hear your thoughts, Anthony, about singles, particularly single women, adopting children. Given your previous post on August 1st, I would assume you're against it.

Clasy, I think you're inclinations are correct but those norms in the black community are slowly changing. Historically, you are correct, black folk typically would taken in "orphaned" extended family members, NOT MATTER WHAT, because "that's what family" is all about. Thanks to the welfare state that infected urban and rural areas many of those social mores were systematically undermined by anti-family welfare programs until the system was changed in 1996.

I'm not following, at all, how my August 1st post has anything to do with being a single parent? Are you suggesting that single parents are inevitably abusive? I'm not sure how the two posts are connected?

Although being a single parent is not the best context for raising children, as demonstrated by God's design of family in the first place, it is often better than many of the other alternatives (foster care, poorly run orphanages, homelessness, slavery, etc.), and if lived-out in close community or with healthy family relationships, many of the damage done to kid by the absence of one parent can be mitigated by others in community. But, I do believe that God's design for family is the best possible context for children.

I don't think most people realize how psychologically damaging foster care is for child development. A well run orphanage is better than foster care.

Anthony,

Your concern as to Christians adopting (and why they don't) is 100 % on point. Please keep on raising this important issue. And yes I think you are right, many of the reasons why people don't are linked to attempts to create the 'perfect suburban family' / lack of understanding of the call to the life of giving / sacrifice inherent in the gospel.

However 'I don't think most people realize how psychologically damaging foster care is for child development. A well run orphanage is better than foster care.' I work with your people in the UK care system and would hold to the opposite being true ...

Colin Thomas

Anthony,
As to the reference to your August 1st post, I meant to refer to your post, "United States of Divorced America" where you discuss divorced mothers or mothers in loveless marriages who use their sons as spouse surrogates. I don't think single parents are inevitably abusive. I know quite a few outstanding single parents whom I admire for their ability to provide both grace and discipline to their children.

I do agree that placing children in homes with single parents who are intentionally living in community and can provide a stable living environment is so much better than foster care. However as a single woman, I'd be tempted to adopt not out of a calling, but out of a need to be loved, to be a mother, so in essence potentially using children to fulfill something they can't and shouldn't fill similar to moms who emotionally use sons as surrogate spouses.

As more Christian women stay single longer, I worry about them making decisions to adopt NOT out of a call, but to fulfill needs that only God can fulfill. I know God calls single folk to all kinds of ministry, but I think as women we have to be very aware of the costs of single parenting and be honest with ourselves about why we adopt.

It's sadly ironic that religious-right conservative evangelical Christians are known as (and even claim to be) "pro-life," because really they are just pro-birth. If American Christians were really pro-life, then there would be no kids who are waiting around for years in the foster-care system. If American Christians were really pro-life, then the mothers they ask to have babies would be supported during pregnancy, during the process of giving up their children to caring homes, and then afterward helping them make systemic changes in their lives so they can learn to make better choices.

I disagree with what I think is Classy's implication that becoming a foster or adoptive parent needs to be a special calling. Haven't all Christians been adopted into the Father's family? Haven't all Christians benefited from the Self-sacrificial ministry of Christ? Aren't all Christians called to imitate our Father and Lord?

All Christians are called to love our neighbors. Children without families are our neighbors. The way they need to be loved is to be given a family. So that is our calling.

Classy-- no matter what kind of ministry you get involved in, your sin will get in the way. No matter how gifted you are for any particular ministry, you will inevitably hurt someone in the course of that ministry. Just because you might not be a perfect mom as a single woman, doesn't mean you shouldn't be a mom to a kid that doesn't have one. Because guess what, he'll take an imperfect mom over another caseworker every time. And guess what else, even if/when you get married you won't be a perfect mom either. Two of the best foster and adoptive parents I know are single women. One of them is in a relationship that is probably headed toward marriage, and the other is not. But both of them have (multiple) kids who are being raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. If you see a particular potential pitfall to your being a single parent, then seek accountability and pray constantly. The Lord is a generous Father who loves to give good gifts to his children!

Anthony-- while I overwhelmingly agree with you, I do want to offer one point of perspective that you probably won't disagree with, but which just didn't really apply to the situation you are talking about. I think foster-care will continue to be a necessity and I don't want Christians to be scared off from participating in it. My wife and I are foster-parents with the Division of Family Services here in St. Louis. When an emergency need arises in a home and a child needs to be removed from the parent's custody, we need Christian families who will be willing to care for those children during that time. Our first foster-daughter was successfully reunited with her mom after 8 1/2 months in our care. Her mom received support and services that enabled her to make drastic changes in her life so that she could provide a safe, loving home for her daughter. In the mean time, we also developed a relationship with the mother and shared the gospel with her in word and deed. We have become friends and hope to be able to continue ministering the gospel to her. (By the way, this was all across racial lines--we're white, they're black--and it wasn't really an issue, in case anyone is wondering.)

Being foster-parents is a tremendous ministry. Christians ought to get involved (especially if they think they are "pro-life"). For full disclosure, I will say that ministering as a foster or adoptive parent opens you up to TONS of hurt and heartache. Driving my foster-daughter to her mother's house for the last time was the hardest thing I've done in my life. But Christians don't have the option of avoiding loving our neighbors because it might hurt us. And I will also say, our experience as foster-parents has also blessed us with TONS and TONS of joy.

It is a genuine question and I asked it because you seem especially indignant about the issue at hand. I'm accordingly curious about your own commitment to living out the sacrifice you are calling others to. I think it is a fair question and that is all it is- a question.

Batch

One more is a Suburban or full size van, I guess. We're going to wait a bit until #5 is out of diapers before loading down my wife any more, just for sanity's sake. :^)

My husband, a pastor, and I have adopted 10 children -- 8 from U.S. foster care and 2 internationally. We are waiting for the arrival of two more. I am involved in the adoption field and ask myself the question you are asking again and again.

However, considering that one of my best friends lives an hour from Atlanta and has adopted 38 children out of foster care, it may be that there is at least one Christian near Atlanta. I hope she posts a comment here.

How about adoptions by gay Christians in stable, loving relationships?

East of Atlanta...I'm single Mom with 39 children and I take my entire Bible literally. Thanks for bringing attention to this issue.

Hi, my Name is Catreil I just adopted my sister two kids and i need help with them we need a biger home in Decatur, Ga.NO one will help us i have try to get section 8 but no help.Do some one Know what to do to help me and the kids.